Glitter and be Gay: How Sorority Life has Helped me Thoroughly Embrace my Femme Identity

I have always been a feminine woman. As a child, I longed for a castle in the clouds, and a chariot drawn by unicorns to take me to school. (Instead, I had my dad’s stinky bait truck…still waiting on an upgrade.) I loved any and all excuses to dress up – went to prom three times in high school, and loved every second of it – and as time has gone on, my make-up collection has grown to weigh about the same as a small child. You may find it excessive. I think it’s normal.

However, there have been times when I’ve found it easier to blend in rather than stand out. I’d rock sweats and glasses instead of heels and a skirt. I would hide myself beneath layers of clothing, sheathing myself in comfort to avoid everything life wanted to throw at me. And honestly, those days are always necessary, and for me, those days were a constant. I didn’t want to draw attention to myself, because I didn’t like what I saw. Whether that was due to my own thoughts, or the thoughts of my peers…well that really depended on the day. 

I, as a femme lesbian, face a bit of a struggle. Sure, it might not be the biggest struggle in the world, but it’s a pain in the ass. If and when I dress up, I lose my identity as a lesbian, and become the stuff that boy’s wet dreams are made of. That is not my intention when I dress to the nines – I’m dressing up for myself, as I think I look damn sexy, and I’m also dressing up in the hopes of attracting a gorgeous woman’s attention. But no, now I’m blending in in all the wrong ways. This is one of my biggest pet peeves, as I shouldn’t have to loathe the thing that once made me happiest. I should be able to embrace my femininity, in whatever way I choose.

In coming to “real” college, I was starting to lose touch with my femininity. My make-up went untouched, more days than not. Jeans and t-shirts were my daily wardrobe, and I’d throw on a SnapBack so I wouldn’t have to style my hair. I had given up on my femininity. 

And then, I joined my sorority.

The minute I received my bid, it was like I was bitten by some bug. I was thoroughly frustrated that I couldn’t wear make-up to my bid night. I was wondering when I’d be able to make something crafty, and when I’d be able to make a plaque for my big. I didn’t even have a big at this point. I was dreaming of making my own letters (crafty bitches conserve), and whether or not my life would be covered in glitter. Fun fact – it is. 

In meeting the women who have become my sisters, I met women who represented many aspects of myself. Some, like my big, represent the conscientious, loving, respectable woman I hope to be once I reach maturity – lord knows I won’t be there soon enough. Others represent the woman I want to be in this moment – someone fun-loving, who is caring and kind, yet is a woman who refuses to take any shit. In finding my home within this sorority, I began to re-embrace my femininity. I had a reason to go out and get dressed up, and I was having /fun/ again. On that, I wasn’t scared to do so. I finally felt like myself, after so many years of not knowing who I was.

A part of my sorority’s symphony states that any member should be “womanly always, and discouraged never”. This is my favorite part, as it seems to embody my journey in this sorority. I will no longer be afraid of my femininity. I will embrace it, and wrap myself up in it, displaying it proudly. I refuse to let any grabby, sweaty boy dissuade me from wearing my favorite skirt and heels. I will wear my make-up as my war paint, and charge into battle every day. However, I will not be afraid to accept that there will be some days when I need to rock a good pair of sweats. I will be strong and proud of the woman I am, and will be moving ever towards the woman I will mature into. I will glitter, and be gay, and love every damn second of it.

How to be a Strong, Independent Woman who Don’t Need No Man (or Significant Other)

Ah, New Years. It’s the time of year where every white girl buys a membership to the gym and then cancels it three months later. The time where moms who’ve pledged to better their lives drag their crying spawn through the grocery store, explaining to them exactly why they can’t have their favorite sugar-laden snack food anymore. The time where people like myself – those who are able to keep commitments for a week, and then they just…stop – cringe at the thought of another disappointing round of resolutions, making them only to ignore them in a month.

This year, I made myself a list of ten resolutions. Some would seem to be common sense (#4 – Go to class EVERY DAY), while others are for my personal sanity (#9 – Nap when you need to!). There are some that might seem strange to “normal” people (#5 – Don’t be afraid of the gym!), and others that seem to be true New Years Resolutions (#1 – Write in your journal daily.) 

However, the most important of my New Years resolutions is the last on the list. It isn’t last because it was one I tacked on to the end to get an even number – I personally hate the number 9 – or to get one more thing off my chest. Traditionally, the best thing is saved for last, and this resolution, by far, is the best. It’s a step-by-step guide to being a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man. Well, in my case, no woman. And I’ve decided to share this handy guide with you, dear readers, because you all deserve it. 

Step one is simple enough. You need to realize your strengths and weaknesses, accept your weaknesses as reality, and celebrate every one of your strengths. In doing this, not only will you find things to be humbled by, but you should also find reasons to love yourself. Once you have these reasons to love yourself, write them down! Do you know how to take an excellent selfie? Make your Instagram selfie central. Can you make a mean creme brûlée? Sing about it with your basketball team while everyone is revealing their deepest darkest secrets. Do not be afraid to celebrate your strengths. But, in celebrating your strengths, always remember your weaknesses. You, like me, might be a cantankerous wench if you’re woken up before 8am on any given morning. You might have a horrible singing voice, or you could have a horrible temper. You need to acknowledge your weaknesses, while allowing them to take the backseat to your strengths, and love yourself as a whole.

The second step should be even easier, in my opinion, but it might be one of the hardest things for some to do. You need to NEVER let anyone get in the way of you loving yourself. Fuck the haters, and surround yourself with people who acknowledge your greatness. Do not lose sight of how wonderful you are, and do not let anyone blind you to your own brilliance. Because while the universe may be vast, and you may be a mere speck of dust in the vastness that is the cosmic sandbox, you are still YOU! If someone can only focus on your flaws, and refuses to let you realize how wonderful you are, you shouldn’t have those people in your life. 

Now, please note – being a strong, independent person who don’t need no significant other should in no way affect the relationships you have in your life. Whether you’re single as all hell, casually dating, in a new relationship, or they liked it so much they put a ring on it – your partner should support you in your goal of loving yourself, and you should encourage them to love themselves as well. Sometimes, it’s hard to love yourself. But on those days, you should never feel afraid to lean on those people I mentioned earlier, the ones who acknowledge your greatness. That could be your partner, or your best friend, or even your dog (shout out to Gizmo Grace, my ride or die). As time goes on, you will realize that you truly ARE a strong, independent person who don’t need no significant other. And once that happens? Well, I’ve heard that life becomes easier, and that all the little problems grow smaller each day.

Now, it’s time to sit down, and write out your list. If you haven’t already, resolve to remind yourself daily that you are strong, and you are wonderful, and you are the prettiest princess in all the land – and anyone who refutes this should be banished. Happy New Years, everybody, and I hope that this year will be filled with love, happiness, and fulfillment.