Frequently Asked Questions – Sorority Edition

So remember that one blog post where I was talking about how all my friends are guys and hanging out with girls is weird for me? Well…I also mentioned in my first ever blog post that I was going to write about sorority life. Yes, you read that correctly – I have joined a sorority. I’m not going to name any names, I’m just going to tell you that my sorority is the best one ever and everyone else, although they’re super cool, can just go home. I knew from the minute I walked into the information session during rush week that this was the place for me. The girls were friendly and kind, they do amazing work in the community, and overall, sorority life has proven to be pretty damn awesome.

Now, instead of writing some long winding tale about how I fell in love with this sorority the minute I looked into it’s eyes across the room at this crowded deli – wait, sorry, that’s a different love story. How about I just answer some frequently asked questions? And don’t think for a second that there haven’t been repetitive questions about this – I always get repetitive questions. Maybe it’s a gay thing, I don’t know, but people tend to ask the same shit on different days.

FAQ – Sorority Edition:

Q1 – Duuude, get some tail!

This “question” usually comes from one of my lovely boys, and to them I say – NO. Sororities, although they tend to be what dreams are made of, are not made of those kinds of dreams. We do not pillow-fight in our underwear, and kiss gently as the feathers fall. My future sisters and I are building strong friendships based on respect, mutual interests, and the fact that we’re all in this sorority for basically the same reasons. Also, I’m pretty sure that most all of these girls are straight. But that’s besides the point. I like to live by this simple advice from my father – “You don’t want to shit where you eat!” And I’m sure there are other gay girls in sororities who’ve done just that, and their consequences weren’t all that pretty. I would much rather build everlasting bonds of friendship with these women, and I hope that I’ll be able to teach them about the fun times of the LGBTQ world. I don’t want to ruin any chances of that with a random hook-up. Also, back to that earlier point – I swear, these girls are ALL STRAIGHT.

Q2 – Are they gonna haze you even more for being a lesbian?

See, that’s one of the things I don’t like about the Greek Life reputation. Hazing is yucky. Hazing is no fun. Hazing is illegal in the state of Massachusetts, and it is also illegal in my sorority! Yes, that’s right, we are a non-hazing sorority, filled with fun times and rainbows and all that good shit. We even banned paddles at our house, just to drive the point home. The fact that this sorority is non-hazing is one of the many reasons I chose this place to be my home. I wouldn’t be able to love and respect a group of women who put me through the ringer, just for fun. I’m glad, and ever so grateful, that I’m not the only one who thinks that. Also, even if they were a hazing sorority, there’s an entire page in our rulebook on human decency. And I don’t think that discrimination based on sexuality is all that decent, do you?

Q3 – OMG isn’t that like, buying your friends?

This question usually comes from people who are against Greek Life, and to them I say – FUCK NO. It’s true that you pay for membership in most all sororities, but you aren’t paying for your friends. You’re paying to be a part of something amazing, and huge. You’re paying for your house, and to support your philanthropy, and to support your sorority as an organization. You pay to reap the benefits that this organization will offer you, both in college and outside of it. Membership in a sorority is not just four years – it is for life! You never pay for your friends – you don’t have to be friends with anyone that you don’t want to be, and the same thing goes for other people. Shocker, I know. But the money you pay to your sorority goes to much bigger things. The friends you will make on your own are friends you will keep throughout life. That’s only one of the amazing benefits you’ll get in return from your organization.

Q4 – Why’d you do this? Aren’t your friends mostly boys?

That’s actually one of the reasons why I did this. Yes, I surround myself with boys (see my last blog post), and for a very good reason – I find my life to be simpler with boys around. Less drama, less nonsense, and less people asking to borrow my mascara. But, in coming to college, I decided I needed to diversify my friend group. I love my boys, but I know for a fact that there are girls in this world who I can be amazing friends with. I’m also 95% sure that I will find these girls in this sorority. Another reason why I did this was because I wasn’t going to say no to myself. I wasn’t going to hold myself back. And one of my deepest darkest desires has always been to be in a sorority. A lot of people weren’t expecting me to do this. Hell, I didn’t even expect I’d go through with this. But I did, and I’m glad I defied my expectations. A third and final reason why I decided to go through with the sorority thing was connections. We all know that a majority of what you do is your own merit – the rest is up to who you know. In being a part of a sorority, you are setting yourself up with amazing connections outside of college. There are women who are members of my sorority who are actresses, politicians – we even have a member who’s a part of NASA! The fact that I can say I have something in common with these amazing women, and the fact that this commonality will be something that helps to further my career down the line, is amazing to me, and I will always be grateful for that.

So, folks, those are my four most-asked questions about being in a sorority. If you have any more, go ahead and ask me over Twitter, or Facebook…you could probably ask me in person, if you really wanted. Until next time, dear readers.

True Life: I’m One of the Boys

You know that girl, who’s always surrounded by a group of guys? The one who you always see around boys, and don’t understand how she got them to flock to her? Well, folks, I am that girl, and let me tell you – it’s one of the best parts of my life. When you’re with the boys, nothing matters. You don’t have to wear make-up to impress them, you don’t have to wear your nicest bra…depending on the comfort level, you don’t have to wear a bra at all. My world is full of free snacks and hugs and cuddles from boys, and god, is it great. Being one of the boys can also have it’s drawbacks, but hey – when you look at it from my angle, you start to realize how wrong you are about that one chick with all those guy friends.

I’ve been the girl-bro since high school. Well, it mostly started when I started telling people that I liked girls. From what I’ve learned, you can instantly cement a bond with a bro by talking about women. I know, it’s cliche, but seriously – if you are attracted to women and want to be friends with a guy, just strike up a conversation and direct it towards the game of “Which chick is hotter?”. It’s either that, or talk about the women in both of your lives. I know that I’ve bonded with one of my best guy friends over our ex stories. Since I’m not athletic in the slightest, and I could care less about video games, women are my go-to topic of conversation with guys.

Not only have I learned a lot about women from my guy friends, I also find it really cute when they realize I’m actually into chicks and not other bros. Some guys are intimidated, some are disappointed; most guys are just plain curious about how being a lesbian works. (To the girlfriends of the boys who ask me what lesbian sex is – I am so, so sorry.) When a guy is genuinely curious, however, I do my best to answer their questions. One of my best friends, after finding out I was a lesbian, even went so far as to take notes the first time I answered his questions. Things like this make me laugh, but they also comfort me – it helps me to feel like I’m doing my part, educating people who don’t know enough about the LGBTQ world.

In return for this education, the guys in my life offer me their own kind of education. I’ve learned more about dating women from these boys than I have my own experiences. And while their stories are good, the way they tell them is even better. As a psych major, I have the dirty habit of overanalyzing the things people tell me. Not only have I learned about the joys of dating college women through these tales, I’ve learned about the many ways a man can care about a woman as well. I’ve heard stories of love, loss, and one night stands. I’ve learned exactly how many different feelings are behind the title of “my crazy ex” – and no, it’s not all negative. I feel as though I’ve gone over to the dark side, and come back with their cookies.

I know that my relationships with the guys I call my friends are solid ones. These boys, more often than not, will always have my back. Yeah, they might not be the ones I go to first for a good vent session – that’s where my lovely girl friends come in – but when I do go to them, the advice I get is simple, sound, and most always correct. Whether or not I choose to listen to it is my own problem. I always seem to find the good in my boys, even if they don’t want the good to be found. And in return, I’ve been gifted with some of the truest, most loyal friendships. I wouldn’t change my girl-bro status for the world.

Magical Lesbians and Where to Find Them

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Gee, I wish I had someone to casually make out with on a regular basis?” Well, if you’re straight, congratulations! You’ve got it made in the shade, my friend. You can go out on any given evening, spot a fine specimen of your desired sex, and gather up the courage to try and flirt with said fine specimen. At this point, depending on your skill level, you’ll be setting yourself up for success or failure. And if your friends are anything like me, they’ll laugh at your failure, and then console you with another round of drinks. When you’re on the non-heterosexual end of the spectrum like myself, however, things start to get a bit sketchy. There are plenty of options – there are always options – but when you’re like me (see; picky as fuck), you have a more difficult time. But, your three main options are as follows – your school’s LGBTQ community, your local bar scene, and the internet.

Being newly single in a community that my ex frequents, I do my best to avoid places where I think she’ll be. I don’t do this out of fear, mind you. I do it out of respect, for her boundaries and mine, because nothing’s worse than seeing your ex when you’re trying to get your flirt on. So, that rules out plenty of events thrown by my school’s LGBTQ center. We then move to bars. There are gay bars aplenty in the area, but the struggle of getting there and getting home is prevalent. Also, there’s the issue of legality, as I’m a mere 6 months away from my 21st birthday, and I’m an impatient little fucker. I’m like the little kid on the swings, watching the other kids play kickball and being told I’m too young to play. This is torture. So, we consider option 3 – online dating. You’d think this would be a piece of cake. But no, it really isn’t. Not only are you left to judge people based on the pictures they share and the things they’re willing to share about themselves, they do the same for you. You’re essentially whoring yourself out over the internet, in hopes that someone will be interested enough to dare to meet you in person. But you might find someone awesome, who seems to be a great match – but they live on the other side of the universe. If you aren’t down for a long distance relationship, avoid this method of finding a girl at all costs.

In the meantime, of course, I’ve made friends in the LGBTQ community at school. And this right here is proving to be the main part of my struggle. Because as a lesbian, when you make friends with lesbians, you’re probably going to make a friend along the line who you think is cute. Now, in some cases, this could work out well – you two could have mutual feelings, and you could go on to explore them and see where it takes you. In most cases, however, you’re stuck sitting around with thoughts of their stupid cute face, and trying to figure out how to squash those thoughts will take up a decent amount of your time. (Pro tip – if you keep yourself distracted enough, the thoughts will disappear until you see their stupid cute face again.)

Of course, there’s the option of being single and celibate. This option, however easy it seems, generally is the option that I hate considering. I like women. They’re soft and fun to kiss and even more fun to cuddle with. But, being newly single, I’m scared shitless of the idea of dating. I barely love myself – how’s someone else supposed to love me? Not to mention the fears of all the negative things happening all over again, but with a new face attached to them. So, if you take away the celibate part…well, you’re back to square one, but with even more limitations. Essentially, you’re fucked, in the least fun way.

So, here’s my situation, boiled down to the bare minimum: I’m newly single, in a community where my ex has flourished and I am a baby guppy in a gigantic fucking pond. I’m too awkward to find a group to go to the bars with, and I probably wouldn’t get in. I’m trying my hardest to reach out and meet people online – a place where I’m most comfortable – but I can’t seem to find my footing. And, when presented with the option of being truly single, I balk, longing for cuddles and kisses that I’m probably not going to get any time soon. I’m left feeling dissatisfied, lonely, and aggravated. Also, I consider lowering my own standards, but then I realize that I’ve done it too many times before in previous relationships that I can’t afford to do it now.

So. How’s your Wednesday going?